Beautiful Nightmare

I love Los Angeles.

Growing up I never went to any big cities. My parents are the farthest thing from city people so we rarely ventured out of our comfort zone. When I became old enough to travel on my own I became kind of obsessed with seeing different places. From Washington D.C. to New York City, I fell in love with each new city I stepped foot in. Soon began one of the biggest inner conflicts I would have to date, which city would I live in? I’ve always loved New York, but it is so cold. DC is beautiful, but have you seen our president? Which one would I choose?

Los Angeles has always been a distant dream of mine. I never thought that I would be brave enough to live three thousand miles away from everything that I know. I still don’t know if I’m brave enough. I fell in love with the “City of Angels” moments after leaving LAX. It’s amazing the feelings you can catch for a place after spending only forty minutes in the back of an Uber, but it was soon after that when I was convinced that this was the place for me. At first glance Los Angeles is the poster boy for beautiful weather, beautiful people, and beautiful opportunities. It is the literal center of the entertainment business and is home to most of America’s greatest stars (I’m talking about you Anna Kendrick). After spending one week in La La Land I was sold on the “dream chaser” theory and began planning my move.

Three months and a three-thousand mile drive across the country and I was here, Los Angeles’s newest undiscovered star. I arrived with a mind full of ideas and inspirations and a plan to be somebody. Being a writer has always been a dream of mine. Being a screenwriter has always been something I’ve pictured as unattainable. Very few people get to pursue that line of work, how could a small town guy from Virginia make it? I’ve always seen Los Angeles as somewhat of a dream, but I didn’t know how true that statement actually was until I lived here.

When people ask me how life in Los Angeles is I don’t know how to answer them. I want to describe how amazing it feels to be in the city of stars, but I don’t know if it is amazing or not. It’s a reality that often looks beautiful at first glance but is horrifying underneath the covers. Everyone here is so self obsessed and it’s beautiful but also terrifying. How do I know who is real and who is putting on a show? Everyone is always putting on a show. I constantly find myself questioning if moments are real. Every moment feels like some distorted version of reality.

I don’t know what LA is yet, but right now it’s my beautiful nightmare.

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