Welcome to the inaugural post in what might be the biggest mistake in my life. Here I will post everything about my day as I continue awkwardly through my life, even rehashing some of my more glorious moments. No holds barred, no lies, no bullshit, just the honest truth about my everyday. Shall we begin?
It’s October 12th, I’ve been in Los Angeles for a little over a month and I’ve decided to go sober. That’s right, I said sober. Now I know this is something that is easier said than done, especially with my inability to resist peer pressure, but bear with me.
During the summer of 2016 I was, without a doubt, a barely-functioning alcoholic. I made it to work, I passed my classes (barely), I maintained some friendships, and that was the extent of my functions. The rest of that summer consisted of parties, bars, and blackouts. I wore my alcoholism like a trophy, and I was persistent on keeping it. I couldn’t tell you what was pushing me to drank so much, but if I ever get a therapist I’ll let you know what they say. After a series of blackouts, one of which found me in a ditch, I decided that it was probably a good idea to slow down. I didn’t stop drinking completely, but I also wasn’t passed out on my closet floor every Saturday night. I secured a promotion at work a few months later, brought my grades up and things started to look brighter. I had finally found the balance between alcohol and the rest of my life. When things started to look up I became confident in my ability to control drinking and stopped thinking about it. I decided that 2017 was going to be my year and made a plan to push myself. Nine months later I have found myself 3000 miles away from everyone and everything that I know pursuing a dream that many others, and sometimes myself, see as crazy. Now I have no idea what to do next, this is where my newest rash decision comes into play, sobriety.
The truth is, I love alcohol, I do not hate the memories (or lack there of) of my expereinces. I do however hate who I become when I am intoxicated, and that hatred haunts me in my sobriety. Alcohol is, and always will be, an escape from reality. In moments like these, where I am on the other side of the country from everyone that I know and love, I need to face reality head on and make something out of it. I’ve never had the strongest mental health, but that is about to change. Here is to a new city, new ideas, and a better me.
I’m Ryan Arrington and I live in Los Angeles, La-La Land if you will, and I am going sober.